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Cruise off into the sunset with the Oyster Farmer of your dreams!

Browser Farmers

– Meet the Oyster Farmer of Your Dreams –

Trey, 32M, Charleston, SC

About

Trey “Cricket” McMillan is a one bad mama jama. Before founding Lowcountry Oyster Co., he cut his teeth wrastlin’ blue marlin with his bare hands. Seriously. He once jumped straight from the bridge of 64′ boat onto the back of a 500-pound fish and gave him the old choke hold until he tapped out and willingly jumped on board. That may or may not be true.

These days Trey is a wheelin-n-dealin’ oyster slinger whose beard has become a thing of legend in raw bars round the world.

Interests

  • Skittles
  • Reese’s
  • Oooh, ooh those little Airhead jelly bean things

Ideal First Date

“First we’ll start with a nice relaxing re-build of your lawnmower engine and then we’ll head over to the China Buffet to see who can eat the most. After that we can head over to Harold’s Cabin for some Scotch. Scotchy, Scotchy, Scotch. If we hit it off I might show you my dance moves.”

Malcolm, 32M, Charleston, SC

About

Let’s be honest here, there’s a decent chance that at any moment Malcolm will bolt out of the door and make a beeline for the airport. This problem can generally be solved by pointing out that you don’t have to travel to the other side of the globe to get noodle soup and tacos. A wizard on the computer, Malcolm once coded an entire website so fast that the friction on the keyboard completely erased his fingerprints which is horribly inconvenient for international travel.

These days Malcolm spends his time wearing boots in the office for no particular reason while Trey and Eli are actually out doing all of the hard work.

Interests

  • Obscure YouTube videos of Asians grilling things
  • Becoming better friends with your dog than you are
  • Noodling at Phish shows while bitching about Phish fans

Ideal First Date

“Let’s drive an hour and a half to that one random Mexican grocery store that serves tamales on Saturdays. On the way there we can talk about the meaning of life and listen to Van Morrison on repeat. After that we’ll go get drinks and I’ll let you beat me at pool.”

Eli, 29M, Charleston, SC

About

While you may think Eli is some sort of oyster farming Superman he’s actually got one very real kryptonite: he can’t so no to invitations. Literally any invitation. He could be coming off of a 16-hour day, running on no sleep and he wouldn’t be able to turn down an invite to go drink Diet Dr. Pepper at a Chuck E. Cheese.  Here’s something I dare you to do: ask him about the time he lived in Africa. Before you do that though you better strap in because by the time he’s done talking you are going to need to re-new your Tetanus shot and check to see how large the Mars colony has become.

Interests

  • Saying “Yeeee”
  • Pimping out his dog Pickles to pick up chicks
  • Listening to the first 10 seconds of every Gangter Rap song ever written in one sitting

Ideal First Date

“Let’s longboard down to the brewery and talk to every single person that walks in. After that we can hit the pool where I will strategically leave a cooler full of oysters that I’ll shuck for you and feed to you Roman Emperor style. We can end the night at a nightclub that I’ll somehow talk my way into despite being in shorts and wearing a ball cap.”